Lullaby
by GlasgowGirl92
Summary: the one where Linstead are parents! an AU series following the dynamic duo as they navigate the world of parenting. Not in any kind of chronological order and will feature the entire OneChicago family!
1. Sleepless in Chicago

A/N: **So, this little AU series came to me after writing a fluffy fictional prompt using the Song Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks. You can find the original story here: s/12596583/3/Linstead-The-Playlist although you don't need to read that for this to make sense.**

 **While this will be multichaptered AU documenting Linstead as parents, it won't necessarily be in chronological order as I'm still working to prompts that people are giving to me, so if there's anything you wanna see? Just let me know! As always follows, reviews and faves are life and I appreciate every single one!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

He'd always had a routine. Get up, work out, shower, go to work, come home, eat, sleep. Repeat. It wasn't necessarily _pretty_ , but it was functional and it got him to where he wanted it to be. Then, however, then Jay had become a fiancé and a dad in the space of 6 months and really, everything had hit the fan and flipped it all on its head.

Getting up had become internally yelling at the alarm because didn't he _just_ get to sleep? Working out was a whole lot of running up and down stairs, doing a whole bunch of crunches because it made Millie laugh, walking around and rocking a baby. Ruzek had joked about his dadbod, which was quickly shut down by Burgess who had given him a look and he'd apologized profusely. Working was different, too. The thrill of chasing after a suspect was dulled because the worry of leaving Erin alone with a baby for the rest of her life considering the _incident_ , or her having to take care of him too, after the last time? Generally, put enough fear into him for him to watch his six as he did it.

Eating? Well, that was done quickly; hot foods were usually eaten cold and cold food usually eaten warm, and even then? Snack food was so much easier than making a meal – although he always made sure that Erin had eaten at least one decent meal and Millie seemed to drink a _lot_ of milk, so his girls were always taken care of. Sleeping? Eh. Sleeping happened when it needed to. Jay always made sure Erin got sleep because she was the primary caregiver and he was her tag team partner when he was home, which sometimes was only for 6/7 hours a day, most of it being spent on getting some sleep for himself. Erin always pouted, however, when he took a long time to come to bed. Erin was the one who made sure he got some time for sleep, the one who made sure _he_ was eating something significant, the one who made sure he knew he was appreciated and loved.

Growing up in the family he had; the way he had, Jay had known that how he _didn't_ want to parent. Jay knew he wanted his partner to feel valued, loved and safe in their home. He wanted his children to grow up safe and happy, knowing that they were loved and valued and had a home that was a happy place. He worked hard, knowing that Erin was 16 before she got a safe and happy home, to provide both of his girls with a solid family unit.

Which is why he found himself taking the stairs 2 at a time after pulling what was technically a double shift, carrying a bag of groceries trying to make sure he was home for the start of Sesame Street. Millie was 3 months old, but she absolutely adored that program and was riveted to the screen whenever it was on, kicking her little legs and waving her arms. It was one of the only times of the day that he and Erin could manage to get through more than half of a conversation without something else needing their attention; bottles, diapers, Millie, work. There was always something pulling them in another direction, but Jay was absolutely determined to be there with his girls this weekend. He was using some furlough that he hadn't used; 4 days of nothing but his girls and that thought made him move a lot faster.

Given that it was 6am, Jay quietly entered their apartment, smirking when the opening titles of the show began to play, fist pumping in victory that he'd made it. He kicked off his boots, lining them up neatly by the door, juggling the grocery bag to get his coat off and hung up. He froze momentarily when he turned around, Millie in her little rocker chair that Atwater had gotten for them; the blanket Sargant Platt had _made_ for her draped over her. Erin was curled up in the corner of the sofa looking every bit as exhausted as he felt, holding a cup of what he assumed was coffee in her hand. He'd come home to them many times, but Jay had never felt the sensation of _home_ as much as he did in that moment.

"Hey," Erin called softly, pulling him from the trance he was in, smiling sweetly at him, as though she could hear every thought in his head. He put his keys on the table next to hers and grinned at her.

"Hi." Jay called back, "be with you in a second." He told her, disappearing into the kitchen and making quick work of stowing away the groceries, making a list of what he needed to make her favourite chocolate chip pancakes, and leaving those ingredients near the front of the cupboards to nab after he'd said hello to his ladies. No matter how bone-tired he was, it was his duty to make sure they were taken care of and if that meant pushing sleep for another couple of hours to do some chores and make his Erin breakfast? He could do it.

"You really need to work on what time is," the voice came from behind him causing him to jump and spin around. Trying to look annoyed when Erin Lindsey is wearing your yellow plaid shirt and panda slippers and looking entirely gorgeous in your kitchen is damn near impossible and Jay would fight anyone who could do it, because it meant they didn't appreciate what was in front of them.

"I was getting ready to make you pancakes." Jay told her, stepping into her space and pulling her into his arms for a slow, soft, adoring kiss, feeling her smile into it.

"Jay." She laughed, wrapping her arms around him when he trailed those kisses down her cheek to nuzzle into her neck, pulling her as close as he could. "Jay," she said again, running her fingers through his hair to tug his head back to look at him, raising an eyebrow at how dishevelled he looked. His hair had been messed up long before she ran her fingers through it; his eyes stood out due to the dark circles beneath them. Those same blue eyes were red rimmed, he had stubble and Erin was halfway sure that he would fall asleep the second he got to resting and she smiled at him. "I can do cereal for this morning." She told him cupping his face in her palms. "Fruity Pebbles are pretty damn good."

Jay shook his head, sneaking another kiss from Erin. "No. Chocolate chip pancakes is the breakfast of champions and if I'm gonna nap? You're gonna need fuel to keep Mills occupied." He argued, suddenly serious and Erin smiled at him; eyes going soft as she pulled him closer, resting her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Pancakes and then you're actually going to _sleep_ for a few hours. In bed. No arguments." She held up a hand to silence him without even looking at his face, earning herself a chuckle and a kiss to her hair. "Got a solid five hours with her last night. She didn't wake for a feed so I let her sleep." Erin grinned proudly and Jay found his smile matching hers.

"Good job," he stated, giving her another kiss atop her head, earning a laugh.

"I didn't sleep on her behalf, you should go high-five your girl for that one." Erin told him, still giggling, laughing harder when he took her hand and led her into the living room and straight over to the little bouncer chair that Maddie was still in, sucking hard on her pacifier as she watched the cookie monster on screen.

"Well hello there, Mills." Jay greeted as he knelt in front of her, heart stopping when _she_ giggled and spat out the pacifier as she grinned up at him, reaching her little hands forward to him.

"Who's that?" Erin asked, "Is that daddy, Millie? That's daddy." She beamed from her place on the sofa as Millie laughed, looking Jay right in the face. Erin watched as the smile almost split Jay's face, a sheen of tears filling his eyes as he unbuckled the seat and carefully picked his daughter up into his arms, leaning down to press kisses all over her, causing the baby to laugh again and again; a small gargled giggle that it was clear Jay had fallen in love with already as Millie ran her hands over his head and waved her arms about, Sesame Street long forgotten now that Jay was home.

"How long as she been doing that?" Jay asked, not used to the sweet little giggle, but doing everything to make sure his daughter was making that noise repeatedly.

"She made it in her sleep through the night." Erin told him, moving the cushion as Jay moved over to join her on the sofa, moving Millie in his arms so Millie could see Erin. "I wanted you to find out on your own."

"Its joint number one favourite laugh." Jay told her, clearing his throat as he obviously tried to contain his emotions, "can't possibly choose between yours and hers." His eyes finally moved from Millie to Erin, holding her gaze before he leaned in and kissed her, whispered thank yous against her lips as she brought her hand up to rest on his neck, stroking the skin there, a sure fire way to relax him, to settle whatever was brewing under the surface before it took over.

"I'll give her the win on this one;" Erin spoke, softly, leaning in to rest her head against Jay's shoulder, watching as Millie began to wriggle; before turning her head and nuzzling against Jay's shirt, her mouth opening and closing.

"Oh, no, Mills. Daddy can't help with that. Wrong human." Jay laughed, "I'm the one who uses the bottle." He explained, causing Erin to laugh out loud, the almost confused look on Millie's face as Jay tried to explain what was happening was both precious and priceless. "Mommy does that, not daddy. I don't have the right…equipment." Jay eventually finished the sentence, looking just as confused as his daughter and Erin wiped her eyes as she reached for Millie.

"Did you just call my boobs _equipment_?"

"I think so."

" _Dude._ "

"I know, I just, didn't know what else to call them." Jay stated, flustered.

"Boobs, Jay. Call them _boobs_ or _breasts_ or—"

"I'm going to make pancakes." Jay announced, "it'll take about 25 minutes. Is that enough time to have her fed?"

Erin could only nod, her giggling had started again at the blush creeping over Jay's flustered face as he hummed his agreement and was up from the sofa and into the kitchen before Millie had even latched on.

* * *

After feeding, burping and changing the tiny human and placing her in her Moses basket in the livingroom behind the sofa next to the table, Erin and Jay had devoured a stack of pancakes each and Erin had fought for the right to help Jay do the washing up, they had finally ended up standing in the middle of the living room floor, looking around.

"You should sleep." Erin told Jay as she rearranged the sofa cushions and folded Millie's blanket.

"I'm good, why don't I run you a bath? I can keep an eye on Mills while you relax for a bit. It's been just you practically for 2 days." Jay volunteered, eyes moving over to the sleeping baby, envying her for a moment before he looked back at Erin and stifled a yawn.

"Jay. You're exhausted." Erin told him pointedly, "You need to sleep."

"I'm good." Jay held his hands up but Erin shook her head, tugging his hand and dragging him to the sofa, forcing him to sit with her.

"You've worked this case solidly for two 16 hour shifts with a six-hour break between them. That's not enough. You need time to rest."

"And I will, when you've had some time to rel—"

"Jay." Erin interrupted, glaring at him. "I'm _fine._ "

"I didn't say you weren't."

"I know what you're doing and you don't have to do this." Erin told him, trying to catch his eye. "Jay, you're not your dad."

Jay's mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the words to say. His right hand moved to his hairline as his left balled into a fist. He was looking anywhere but at her and Erin let him have a couple of minutes before she eventually reached for him, taking his hand and turning his face to her.

"You. Are. Not. Your. Father." She repeated, slowly. "You're not mine, either." She added on softly. "I'm not going to watch you work yourself into a heap on the floor proving to yourself that you're neither of them. I know and Millie knows and that should be enough." Her voice was soft, gentle, soothing as she knew how hard her words were. "We love you and everything you do for us, but we want you healthy."

"Erin." Jay's voice was broken, raw, as though he'd swallowed a who landfill of broken glass. Her name a small plea for her to stop, that he wasn't ready for this. Erin understood, but she had to make _him_ understand that he was better than they were.

"I love your chocolate chip pancakes and hearing your play with her when I'm in the bath. But I can't lose you, Jay. Almost losing you was enough." Erin's voice got softer and softer until it was almost inaudible at the last sentence, causing Jay's anguished eyes to land on hers.

"You won't." he assured her, leaning in to rest their foreheads together. He'd only been back at work for just over 2 months since the… _incident_ but he'd never really thought about the impact it had had on her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, because I'm not letting you." She told him fiercely, eyes meeting his. "I'm not letting you exhaust yourself like this. We're a team, partnership, fifty-fifty split. Which means we both have each other's backs, Jay." Erin continued in earnest, and was thankful when Jay kept his mouth closed to let her speak. "I can't be your back up out there; I can't make sure you've got someone looking out for you. But here? Here I can. Here, I need you to let me take as much care of you as you do of me, because it's not just about us anymore." Erin stopped, turning her head to look at the crib beside them.

Jay let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and nodded, moving them so she was in his lap and he could bury his head in the crook of her neck and her shoulder and just breath her in as they wrapped themselves around each other, holding on, sharing everything they couldn't say out loud.

* * *

When Millie's cries eventually permeated the apartment, Jay wasn't sure how long he and Erin had been wrapped up in each other on the sofa for, but he'd given her a soft kiss and then knelt up to reach into the Moses Basket to lift Millie into his arms and against his chest. It took him seconds to check and see if she was wet, stinky, or hungry. She wasn't trying to latch onto his knuckle and she didn't need a diaper change.

"I think Miss Millie just wanted in on the snuggle action, huh?" Erin cooed when Mille began to settle down in Jay's arms, nuzzling into his warmth, her eyes drifting closed as Erin stroked her head.

"Probably, I do give the best hugs." Jay joked, but Erin could still see the shadows in his eyes, making the decision that poking that bear again would be done at another time, instead she hummed her agreement and leaned in to press another kiss to his lips.

"You're kinda hot with a baby," she teased, causing Jay to raise an eyebrow.

"Kinda and Hot don't go in the same sentence when it comes to me. I'm always hot." He smirked and Erin laughed, shaking her head as she lightly punched his arm. "Erin, I got this, maybe you should take a—"

"-I'll take a shower. Not a bath. I need to wash my hair anyway, so I won't be too long. Then you're going to bed, Jay. No arguments." She stated, pointing her finger at him, causing him to give her a lopsided smile.

"Fine. Take your time, it's not like we're going anywhere." He told her, leaning up to steal a kiss when she stood and then leaning into her touch when she rubbed his head and trailed her hand down to his jaw.

"I'll be a half hour tops." Erin told him, pressing a kiss against Millie's head where she snuggled further against Jay's shoulder, her tiny hand gripping the fabric of his shirt.

"mhmm." Jay agreed, coping her motion and manoeuvring the baby as he got himself comfortable on the sofa, reclining against the cushions and searching for the remote for the TV to put it onto sports centre before Erin had even left the room.

When Erin returned to the living room; freshly dressed in some jeans and her own plaid shirt this time; she found her fiancé and her daughter, both sound asleep on the sofa. Jay reclined against the cushions, his feet propped up on the coffee table; Millie nestled on his chest, one of his hands on her back over the blanket that Platt had made for her, his other hand closer to his chin, her tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb, his lips pressed against her head.

She didn't have the heart to wake him, her heart already melting. Instead, she simply turned down the TV and moved to the sofa, curling up beside them and taking a snap for the album she was making before resting her head against his shoulder and letting her eyes drift closed.


	2. The Sass is Strong with this One

_**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, faved or followed this story! I'm having so much fun writing it and I honestly adore hearing all of your great ideas! Please keep them coming. _

_Thank you so much!_

 _This is the one where Millie is sassy, Jay is confused and Erin is amused as hell._

* * *

The Sass is Strong with this One.

Every second Tuesday they went grocery shopping. Neither Jay nor Erin are sure when this came to pass, when it became a _thing_ but it _was_ a thing and it was Tuesday and they were in the car heading to the grocery store. Every so often, whenever work would allow, Erin and Jay would collect Millie from the child minder early and take her with them; she had a love for the grocery store and spending time with her regardless of what they were doing always made for the best time. Even if it meant listening to her music in the car on repeat while she 'danced' in the backseat in her baby seat, wriggling around to the music. Erin still insisted that Millie was a better dancer than Jay and Jay would always laugh and say that she clearly didn't inherit it from Erin.

As always, Erin drove and she would drop Jay off for him to grab a shopping cart and wait for her to bring their princess over to him to put her in the little seat. As always, Jay had dutifully gotten out of the car and grabbed a cart, waiting patiently for Erin to carry the toddler over to the sidewalk outside the store and place her down where she'd run to him and hold up her arms to be lifted into the cart.

Except today, Millie didn't.

She followed her mother's instructions to the letter; stay at the wall side and go straight to daddy. Erin herself was a couple of paces behind, close enough to snatch a wayward toddler as she waddled along the sidewalk, stomping extra hard to make her sneakers light up all the way to daddy. When she reached Jay, however, her little fingers simply wrapped around the metal of the cart and held on, waiting for Erin.

"Okay, Mills, let's go." Jay told her, looking at her; confusion on his face, Erin's too when she eventually approached.

"I's fine." She sing-songed, her sweet little voice carrying even in the wind.

"Mills." Jay warned, raising an eyebrow as his two-and-a-half-year-old daughter still didn't look at either parent.

"Imma big girl daddy, I's walk." She stated determinedly, her resolution as fierce as her mother's.

"Mills, you gotta get in the cart in the store."

"No, thank you. I's fine."

"Mille." Jay sighed and tried a different tactic, moving around and crouching down to be eye level with his daughter; she had her mother's dimples, his dark curls and Erin's tiny little button nose but she had his eyes. Her entire face at that moment was angelic, a picture of pure innocence and _that_ was the face that usually meant Jay would give in. But not in a store, never in a store when _anything_ could happen. "Millie, if you walk in here? You could get lost and mommy and daddy would be really upset. We'd cry super hard and you don't want that do you?"

The toddler let out a long-suffering sigh and gave Jay a look that reminded him so much of Erin he had to pause for a second to remind him that it was his kid and not his wife that he was talking to. The sniggering coming from behind him to his left was enough of an indication that Erin, too, found this hilarious.

"Daddy," Millie started, a raised eyebrow and one hand on her hip, the other with a death grip on the cart. "I's can walk. I's a big girl." She told him, reaching out her little hand to pat him reassuringly on the knee, "I's okay."

Erin was practically snorting with laughter behind him as she tried to keep a straight-face, Jay however, was too stunned to even do anything other than continue to crouch and look at his daughter, who was now giving him such a pointed look that he was beginning to think he'd stepped into a twilight zone.

"Uh." Jay started, blinking a few times. "You gotta go in the cart." He mentally cursed himself because at that moment his kid had formulated a better argument that he could and it killed him.

Millie rolled her eyes and looked up at Erin, once again, her sweet little face nothing but innocence. "Mamma, tells daddy." She stated, pointing at Jay. "I's a big girl. I's walk."

"No, baby." Erin shook her head, trying to be serious and keep the smile from her face as she debated the merits of going in a cart with her toddler. Outside of the supermarket. For everyone to see. "Daddy's right, you gotta go in the cart so you'll be safe."

The look that Millie gave Erin, accompanied by the gasp of sheer betrayal almost flooded Jay. Her little eyes looked wounded, tiny little mouth forming into a pout as her eyebrows drew down into a soft V. The hand that had been on Jay's knee fisted and moved back to her side where she continued to stare at Erin as if to say _Et Tu Brutus?_

Then Millie turned to Jay, once again all innocent eyes and she leaned in, "Sure I's can walk, daddy? Sure I's allowed." And Jay had to fight the urge to laugh because not 30 seconds ago was she trying to get her mother to tell him that she was allowed to walk.

"No Mills. You're going in the cart, you don't want mamma and daddy to cry super hard because we lost you do you?" he asked, reaching out to tickle her tummy, a move that usually had her laughing, but this time he was met with a glare as he stood up and held out his hands. "C'mon Mills."

"No, thank you." Millie stated and Jay silently cursed Erin's stubborn nature and that being the personality trait she got from her mom. Jay raised an eyebrow at Erin and she gave him a lopsided grin as they silently communicated how to deal with a toddler who wouldn't let go.

Eventually Jay took her wrist, leaning down to her again, "Millie, you're going into the cart, that's enough." He stated, trying to sound firm, but her fingers were going white with how tightly she was holding on and even when Erin intervened, she wasn't for letting go easily. It took them both to pry her fingers from the metal bar, Jay slipping his hands beneath her arms and lifting her, sighing audibly when she tensed up and wouldn't bend her legs for him.

"Camille Marie Halstead." Erin's firm but gentle voice was quiet and once again the toddler rolled her eyes but went lax in Jay's arms, enough for him to slip her into the seat safely. "You're in there because it's safer for you than you running around. We don't want you to get hurt, okay?"

The toddler beamed at both parents, an angelic happy smile on her face, dimples in full force. "Okay." She stated happily, as though they hadn't spent the past half hour debating putting her into the cart in the first place.

"That's your fault." Both Erin and Jay muttered under their breath at the same time, raising an eyebrow as they regarded the other. Jay was the first to pull away and smirk, his grin getting bigger when Erin put her hand in his back pocket.

* * *

"Bicsuts!" Millie clapped happily as they approached the aisle with the biscuits and treats. Erin dutifully read off the list. See, Millie had a _thing_ while she sat in the cart of the grocery store to amuse herself. She would either pick the item off the shelf or be handed it and then toss it over her head into the cart, laughing almost manically while she did so.

Naturally, they were selective about which part of the cart they put certain items in and which items they allowed her to put in the cart. Chips, biscuits, candy, paper towels. Those were the safest. Sometimes they'd let her throw in some packets of meat or fish, but that was usually it.

"Okay, get the green packet, princess," Erin instructed and Millie made grabby hands until Jay moved the cart close enough for her to grab what she wanted, holding them up for Erin's nod of approval before shouting "wheeeee" and chucking them over her head.

Jay winced as they crashed into the bottles of water, continuing to push the cart, sighing when the tiny human continued to pick up biscuits and throw them over her head, making various animal noises as she did so.

"SHISPS!" Millie yelled bouncing in her seat and Jay threw his head back in laughter at her excitement over chips. She'd only recently been allowed to try them; Erin terrified she'd get a sharp edge stuck in her throat. They'd fast become Millie's snack of choice – second only to carrots and the way she'd stare at Jay as she ate them had him sleeping with one eye open, - and her excitement was always infectious whenever they came into the aisle. "CHEESE!" she yelled again and Jay blinked at the way she clapped her hands and her eyes widened almost comically when he reached up for the cheesy chips she loved so much.

Millie took them from Jay, thanking him over and over as she hugged the packet close to her, childlike love and glee all over her face.

"One day, I'm gonna find me someone who loves me as much as Millie loves cheese chips." Jay stated, earning himself an indignant snort and a whack on the arm from Erin.

"One day, I'm gonna find someone who earns my love, the way cheese chips earned Millie's." She countered, smirking at him. Jay grinned back, keeping one hand on the handle bar of the cart as he pulled Erin back into him, his hand splaying over her midsection.

"I think we have actual proof that I've earned it." He told her, his thumb caressing the barely-there bump hidden by her sweatshirt.

"Not the same thing." She tried to tell him, but her raspy voice was now husky and he knew he'd affected her. "Love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek, turning back just in time to see his child kiss the bag of chips. "Baby, you don't know where that's been."

"In your hands." Millie quipped back, "an on tha shef." And with that, the chips were thrown over her head and she made explosion noises as they hit the rest of the contents of the cart. Noises that mainly consisted with her spraying spit everywhere and Erin looking utterly disgusted.

"Never gonna need any kind of DNA test for her. She's _definitely_ yours." Erin told Jay, earned a snort and a swat at her ass.

"Excuse me. Have you met yourself? It's been three years and you finally allowed me to hang a towel rail in the bathroom." Jay counted, his hand moving back to the handle of the cart as Erin wrapped her arm around his, leaning into his shoulder.

"Only to make you stop nagging me."

"Three. Years. Erin." Jay punctuated each word, looking down at her as she studied the list.

"Technically, it was more like five. Longer if you count when we didn't date. Probably closer to about 8 years."

"You're not making this better for yourself."

"It can't get any better for me." Erin told him as she beamed up at him, a smile on her face as she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, her favorite smile of his lighting up his face just as she pulled away.

"yuck." Millie groaned, both of her parents laughing when they pulled away to find her looking at them through her fingers. "get a woom." She muttered and both Erin and Jay blinked at her.

"Gonna kill Ruzek." Jay muttered to Erin as they made their way to the cashier they always seemed to encounter, ignoring the fact that Millie had stated that; knowing that if they told her off for it, she'd do it all the more, something to do with the terrible twos. Apparently, though, Ruzek was also in that category, because they'd told him repeatedly to watch his mouth around Millie.

"Mills, you wanna go to the park on the way home?" Erin asked as Millie had spotted her next victim, an elderly couple in the queue. Millie had another _thing_ in the grocery store. Chatting to strangers. Literally anyone would do and she'd strike up a conversation and nothing was off limits for her. She had announced last week that her mom had gotten her dad boobs for his birthday, causing Jay to almost die of embarrassment on the spot and Erin to almost die of laughter. It was a cake in the shape of a bust and it had been Antonio's idea.

"No, thank you." The tiny human shook her head, yawning. "I's sleepy." She stated, looking pleadingly at Erin. Jay immediately switched places with his wife, loading the items onto the conveyor belt as Erin leaned on the cart, her elbow on the handle and holding her hand up for Millie to put her head on, letting it rest there and counting back from 10. She made it to 4 before the little girl was sound asleep, her head on Erin's hand.

They'd tried taking her out to the car and putting her in her car seat, but it only meant she was crying and grumpy by the time they got her home for a nap and it took her forever to settle which had a knock-on effect for bedtime. So now they had this routine; which would allow for them to have her asleep and rested for her nap in the afternoon.

Jay and Erin knew as they made their way to the car to load the groceries and the child that it would take a few trips up the stairs – _Jay, never Erin –_ to get the groceries in and put away, but the look on Millie's face as Erin carefully lifted her into her car seat, carefree and peaceful, that it was all worth it.


	3. The Call

**A/N: Apologies for the delay in this! I've went back to work and things are chaotic as always. I do have a bank of these to post, so expect another in the next few days! Also, after receiving a rather negative review, my confidence in my writing was knocked as well as my confidence in posting my writing. I've always said that i value every single review left and I do, which is why I took what was written to heart a little. Had it not been for HalsteadPD and a few others, you wouldn't be getting any more in this little universe! So thank you to them for picking me back up and pushing me back in the direction of writing again.**

 **Next update: Tuesday!**  
 **Playlist Update: Wednesday!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

The second that Detective Jay Halstead couldn't fasten the Kevlar vest securely on his partner, was the second that Detective Erin Lindsey assigned herself to desk duty. She may have only been six months pregnant, but she and Jay had agreed when she returned to Intelligence that if she couldn't safely go on raids with them, she wouldn't. At first, she'd argued, but when Jay had pointed out that she couldn't just think about herself know, that _he_ couldn't just worry about _her_ that she'd realised that she had to act, and that action was taking her vest off and pulling herself out of the raid.

With a plea for Jay to stay safe, a reassurance from Al that he would be safe and Jay bending to place a kiss on her growing bump sneakily when everyone else had gotten into their cars, earing himself with a head rub and a laugh as he walked away from her.

Which is something that became tradition.

July was always a month that had some kind of drama. The heat, the celebrations, the fireworks and alcohol; usually brought out the worst in people. Which was why, on July 2nd, Erin found herself standing in the garage that Intelligence used while the rest of the unit readied themselves to go out on a raid.

"You guys are gonna call in SWAT, right?" Erin asked as she watched them gear up; meticulously checking their bullets and guns, then checking each other's, then checking their own again. Three days from her due date, she really shouldn't have been there, she should have taken her maternity leave by now; but she had argued the point that all she was doing was answering phones and doing paper work, so what was the issue?

"If we feel the need." Voight asked, adjusting the straps of his vest, a small shrug of his shoulders.

"Hank, the guy has already killed four cops, you wanna take that risk?" Erin asked incredulously, earning herself a look from Jay, a silent plea to ask her to calm down.

"Well I'm not exactly going to stroll in through the front door, Erin." Hank chuckled, holstering his weapon. "I'll assess the situation when I get there." He reiterated, voice harsher than it was before when Erin opened her mouth to interject.

"Hank—"

"—When you get your stripes, when you lead a team? You can make the call." Hank held his hand up to signal that the conversation was over and he grabbed the duffle he was holding and took it to his car, Burgess, Atwater and Ruzek following closely behind. When Jay zipped his duffle as Erin paced, silently fuming, Dawson grabbed both his bag and Jay's and headed to their car.

"Hey," Al spoke softly, a hand on her shoulder, "Don't you go worrying about us, we're gonna be back for that baby shower of yours." He gave her a lopsided grin, squeezing her shoulder and walking away, leaving Jay and Erin both standing by the table.

"I—" Erin began, but Jay silenced her with a kiss, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her as close to him as he could, soothingly rubbing her lower back as he gazed down at her. She brought her hands up to grip onto his vest, swallowing hard before speaking again. "Something doesn't feel right, okay?"

"With the baby?" his eyes were wide, panic in his tone and Erin had to smile, shaking her head at him.

"No, baby and I are fine," Erin promised him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "This isn't going to do you any good." She muttered tugging at the Kevlar vest, eyes filling with tears.

"Babe," Jay huffed, "you're assuming this guy is going to get a shot off before I do. I feel like you don't know me at all." His voice was light, teasing, trying to make her feel better about the situation.

"Jay, I'm serious." Erin sighed, "if I could get away with it, I'd ask you to stay."

"You know I can't do that, Erin." Jay told her softly, his fingers kneading at her back. "I wear this badge to serve and protect this city, if a guy is out there with cop killer bullets shooting at random people and I do nothing? I don't deserve the badge."

"I know, which is why I wouldn't ask you to stay."

"Halstead," Voight yelled from the driver's window, "When you're ready. That would be great."

Jay turned back to Erin and raised an eyebrow, both of them laughing before he bent to sneak a kiss to her bump; earning himself a head rub and the sweet sound of her laughter as he booked it to Antonio's car and climbed in the passenger side.

* * *

Paperwork was a bitch; but the unit had never been more efficient now that they had someone to run the paperwork and do the write ups. She'd changed the filing system to something more manageable and she'd taken some computer classes in order to be able to build databases that were easily accessible for the unit and their open cases. She'd also rearranged the breakroom, twice – Burgess and Ruzek helped, because she shouldn't be doing that and Adam was genuinely afraid that Jay might kill him if he let her – the unit had drawn the line when she wanted to rearrange the bullpen, however, because it's fine the way it is.

Nesting. Platt had told her. She was _nesting_ and Erin had wrinkled her nose and offered to tidy up the rest of the precinct, which she had begun to do before Platt had received complaints that Erin had threatened a couple of rookies when they didn't put something back properly and had sent her back upstairs. Jay had laughed himself into a coughing fit when Platt relayed the information.

So now, when they went on raids, Erin would listen on the scanner and stay at her desk and do paperwork, or buy baby things, or hunt Pinterest for nursery ideas, or read the numerous parenting books, making notes about the advice. It was silly, she knew, because so far the 12 books she'd read had some widely different opinions on how to raise a child and she was even more lost now than ever.

Jay had taken to playing rap music for the baby whenever he thought she was asleep, so now the bullpen was filled with the sound of Mozart – or was it Bach? – because that was the consensus in the baby books to play to help development. The unit had been gone for over an hour now, and Erin was sure that Hank had to have called in SWAT. So now, to ease that uneasy feeling she'd had since Hank had called the raid and turned Mozart off and the scanner on.

The scanner crackled to life; instructions coming thick and fast; Al's voice requesting SWAT and Erin smirked because she knew that Voight would kill him for going over his head. As Al relayed their location; the heavy gunfire in the background had Erin's skin prickling; there were too many shots for them all to be firing at one shooter.

The next thing she heard made her blood run cold. In the background of the transmission she heard Adam screaming Jay's name; a stuttering silence in the nearby gunfire and then –

"10-1, 10-1, officer down. I repeat, officer down, roll an ambo. _Now._ " Antonio's voice filled the airwaves and Erin felt herself go numb, everything else on the scanner white noise. She felt the bile rise in her throat and barely made it to the trash can beside her desk before she was heaving; gasping for breath in between as she clutched the trash can tightly, slipping off the chair and crashing to her knees, as she continued to be sick.

A gentle voice filtered through the fog as she continued to dry heave, body trembling as she fought for control. Soon there was a set of hands pressing a cold compress to both her forehead and her neck, continuing to whisper soothing words. Erin however, was too far gone. She couldn't stop the shaking, couldn't stop the cold that was settling into her bones. _Jay._

"…when you're ready, we'll go."

Erin raised her head, eyes meeting the person's eyes who had offered those words. Although it had taken a long time for the words to filter through, Erin knew that Sargent Platt meant that they'd go to the hospital. That Platt would take her, siren's blaring, to Med. Where Jay would be. Should be. Getting help.

"Easy," Trudy told her, letting go of the cloths to support Erin as she tried to get up quickly, stumbling back down to her knees again. "You're fine. It's going to be fine." She soothed, slowly sitting Erin up and back onto the chair, opening the bottle of water and handing her it, making sure she sipped slowly.

"I gotta see him," Erin rasped, her voice huskier than usual, hands trembling as she tried to get the cap back on the bottle before handing it back over to Trudy and slowly standing, grabbing her phone and keys and looking determinedly at the other woman.

"Ready?" Trudy asked and it was only then did Erin notice she already had keys in her hand and her cap on her head. Not trusting her voice, Erin nodded and made to walk towards the stairs, only to have Trudy grab her arm.

"I'm parked in the garage, didn't think you'd wanna have to face anyone." She told her and Erin felt sick all over again. It must have shown on her face because Trudy picked up the trashcan and led Erin down stairs.

* * *

The scene when they arrived at Med could only be described as chaos. There were officers everywhere, nurses everywhere, people yelling and pushing and multiple people yelling to get Conor down her _now._

Erin slowly moved her way through the crowd until Platt caught up and then _everyone_ knew she was there. Platt was loud and efficient, sending everyone who wasn't directly involved in protection detail away. In seconds, Natalie had made an appearance and the look on her face caused Erin's knees to give way underneath her.

"Erin, hey, hey Erin." Natalie and Trudy both grabbed for her, Maggie also appearing as if from nowhere, to help them get her into the staffroom, the closest available room for them to use. "Hey," Natalie soothed as Erin felt her bottom lip tremble, the sobs she'd been holding down threatening to spill.

"Jay." It should have been a question; but it came out like a plea and Natalie slipped to the floor, holding onto Erin's hands and taking a deep breath, "Oh, no. No. Natalie, no." Erin began to sob then and Natalie pulled her in for a hug, trying to settle her.

"Erin, hey, listen to me." Natalie tried, leaning back to catch Erin's eyes. "He's alive," Natalie whispered and Erin's eyes met hers. "Ethan's got him, Conor is on his way down. He's got a battle on his hands, but this is _Jay_ we're talking about." Natalie told her softly, gripping her hands tightly.

"He's alive?" Erin asked, hope and disbelief colouring her voice as she tried to search Natalie's face for any signs that she was lying.

Natalie nodded, "he's fighting for you. For both of you." Natalie smiled, her gaze moving to Maggie who was hovering. "Which is why I need you to go with Maggie and get yourself checked over."

"I wanna see Jay." Erin insisted, standing up just as the door to the staffroom opened and Antonio entered, covered in what she assumed was Jay's blood and she let out another sob, her hand clasping over her mouth as she tried to compare herself.

"They're getting ready to take him upstairs," Tony's voice was broken, sounding exactly like Erin felt and Erin knew she had to act fast, moving quickly past Natalie and Tony, yanking the door open and heading for the only room she knew he would be. He wouldn't be in Trauma 1. Nor would he be in Trauma 2. That wasn't Choi's playground. Baghdad, however? That's the only place he would be if Ethan was treating him and her teammate was covered in that much blood.

She stumbled to a stop when the gurney came out of the room; April pausing causing Conor and Ethan to yell at her and then stop too, turning to face Erin.

"Thirty seconds, Lindsey then we go." Conor snapped and Erin had to remind herself not to tear him a new one right there and then. She moved towards the gurney and bit her bottom lip, Jay hated to see her cry and he really wasn't in any position to hold her and make a joke right now. He looked so still. So pale. Long lashes curled against freckled cheeks, blood spattering over his skin. He looked so _young_ and Erin allowed herself a small sob as she leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, not daring to look anywhere other than his face as the baby inside of her began to kick rapidly causing her to press a hand to her stomach.

"Erin," Ethan said softly, "We _really_ need to get him upstairs if he has any chance—"

Erin cut him off; nodding and then leaning in to press another kiss to Jay's lips. "Come back to me. To us."

"We gotta go." Conor interrupted, moving the gurney and leaving Maggie to peal Erin away and take her to a treatment room.

What Erin didn't see; was the mess the treatment room Jay had just came out of was in. She didn't see the blood-soaked sheets, the gauze littering the floor. Nor did she see Will Halstead, covered in blood, his _brother's_ blood, curled up on the floor in a corner of the room.

* * *

The next two days past in a blur. Jay had been shot in the side. The bullet had broken his ribs, punctured his lung, perforated a kidney and had exited his back. Not hitting his heart at they had first feared. The first surgery had gone well. The second hadn't gone as well as they hoped, leaving Jay needing surgery number three. They had been advised that the first 12 hours were critical. Then the first 24. Then 36. And now 48. Erin, however, didn't have any more time. Maggie and Natalie had been forcing her to have the baby monitored, to eat, to rest, to drink fluids.

Voight, Dawson, Al…the whole unit had been in and out. Bringing her things, speaking to her. Talking to Jay as he lay in the bed, covered in wires and tubes and blankets. Platt, however, had only left once to pack and bag and shower and then come back. Erin had no idea why she wouldn't leave, but it had become comforting to know that she'd be there when Natalie and Maggie wouldn't take no for an answer.

Will however, had been strangely absent.

He hadn't once visited Jay while he was in ICU and Erin needed to know why. She'd sent Platt looking for him as she sat next to Jay's bed, holding his hand, reading him the news and relaying the sports stats.

"You know, they've cut back on your sedative." Erin grinned, "You should be waking up." She told him, "So the fact you're not, I'm taking it as an insult."

Erin sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to his hand. "Baby's due tomorrow, Jay." She whispered, voice cracking on the words as she fought the tears. "I can't do this without you. I don't want to. I could have, I had the choice. I didn't need to call you, but I did. Jay, you need to wake up. Please." Erin only stopped talking when she felt the tears fall, wiping them away quickly. She rested her head against his hand, breathing deeply as she shifted against the uncomfortable twinges she'd been having; baby obviously wasn't comfortable and was giving her indigestion.

She wasn't sure how long she sat like that; watching him breathe, the steady rise and fall of his chest relaxing her, her fleeting glances to the screen to see that his heart was beating nice and strong. They'd taken him off of the ventilator earlier that day and he was holding his own, keeping his doctors happy and Erin hopeful.

"You wanted to see me," the voice came from the doorway and Erin's eyes shot up, Will hovering in the doorway, looking everywhere but at the bed.

"I just wanted to know how you were." Erin spoke, her head still resting on her and Will's joined hands, her elbow on the bed.

"Erin," Will's voice was much like her own and she smiled sympathetically at him.

"He's gonna be okay." She started, "he looks a lot better than she did." The words were added on, quieter than the first, she turned her head to press another kiss to his hand and Will took a couple of shaky steps into the room, sucking in a breath when he caught sight of his little brother.

He said nothing, but Erin watched as he wrestled with himself, his fight or flight reflex kicking in and he whispered his apologies before leaving the room. Erin sighed and turned to look at Jay again, opening her mouth to speak when the hand in hers gripped onto her and she let out a sob instead.

"It's okay, babe. Its okay." She muttered, kissing his hand again as she settled down again, squeezing back.

* * *

"I'm not doing this without him," Erin yelled, her body covered in a sheen of sweat as she gasped in pain, gripping the side of the bed and glaring when Platt offered her a hand. "I want Jay. He needs to be here."

"Erin, that's not going to happen. He's hooked up to so many machines." Natalie told her from the corner of the room. "He can't get out of bed and he can't stay awake for longer than 5 minutes at a time."

"I'm not doing it."

"Erin. You don't have a choice."

Erin glared at the woman, the searing pain causing her to sob. Shortly after Jay had gripped her hand, he'd opened his eyes and she'd never been so glad to see those baby blues. There had been a flurry of activity and they'd promised him a move to a ward as soon as he was able to sit up comfortably and drink some water. That had been 18 hours ago and Erin now found herself without a birthing partner.

"Get him." She begged, "please, I need him." She hated how desperate she sounded. But she couldn't help herself, she never imagined a world in which she'd need to do this with Jay. Hadn't thought about children until she'd woken up wrapped up in his arms the first time and found herself thinking about how nice it would be to do that every day.

"Erin," Natalie sighed, "the baby is coming now. You have to—"

"Erin!"

All heads swung around to the door, where Will was pushing Jay in a wheelchair, still hooked up to two machines and looking like hell. Natalie glared at Will who shrugged.

"Jay," Erin sobbed, holding a hand out for his, meaning Will had to try and move the chair towards the bed in such a way that Jay was fully supported but could still hold Erin's hand properly. Platt was staring in disbelief, but she was first to spring into action, grabbing some pillows to prop Jay up with, making a gagging noise when he kissed Erin.

"I promised I wouldn't miss this." He spoke, voice soft, exhaustion etched in every single feature and Erin felt a pang of guilt before another contraction ripped through her causing her to groan and grip his hand. "I've never broken a promise to you." He told her, leaning in to press a kiss to her hand, just as she had been doing to him for the past 2 days.

"Okay, Erin, on the next contraction I want you to push." The midwife told her and Platt let out another gagging noise, grabbing Will and Natalie and dragging them out of the room, causing Jay to chuckle and then wince in pain.

"I'm here, baby, I got you." Jay told her, even as it was obvious that he was fighting exhaustion.

The two hours between Jay entering the room and the second that Camille Marie Halstead came screaming into the room were the longest of Erin's life. She'd taken pity on Jay and allowed him to fall asleep, with the promise of waking him before the baby was born and he never once let go of her hand the entire time.

Erin had woken him up, with the help of the nurse in the room and he'd been there the second that Millie had been born. The second her cries had filled the room, the second that the nurse announced that Erin had given birth to a girl? Erin would never forget that look on Jay's face, the way his eyes lit up and filled with tears. She'd never seen a look that was so joyful and peaceful that brought tears to her eyes.

Jay had leaned up onto the bed, ignoring the way the nurses chastised him, pressing a kiss to Erin's lips, tasting both of their tears as he giggled.

"Healthy set of lungs." Jay joked and Erin nodded, whispering words to the screaming bundle in her arms. "Thank you," he told her, pressing a kiss to Millie's head, earning himself a kiss on the head from Erin.

"Thank you for coming back to me." Erin muttered, smiling at Jay as the nurses began to buzz around to do checks.

"That was never in doubt." He told her firmly.

"Does daddy want a quick cuddle with the baby right now?" The midwife asked kindly and Jay beamed, nodding and wincing as he settled himself back into the wheelchair with the aid of the nurse. Any fear he may have had about dropping her melted away when she was placed in his arms, and then he couldn't help himself, his father's rules be damned. The moment he set eyes on the blue gaze of his daughter, he let the tears freely fall, completely unable to take his eyes off her for a second.

"Welcome to the world, Millie." He told her, "You're going to run this joint, I swear."

Erin leaned back on the pillow and watch her partner whisper promises to their daughter, vowing to love her and support her for as long as he could. It took her a few seconds to work out how the words were familiar. The words to the children's book he'd been reading her every night, he'd memorized them. Memorized the book, and he was reciting it to their daughter moments after she'd been born and Erin Lindsey found herself falling in love with Jay Halstead all over again.

 _As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be._


	4. We Did Good

**A/N: So, in a break with tradition, this little piece picks up right after the last chapter! Shock Horror, I know. One of my reviewers left a song in a previous review for the Linstead Playlist and I am working on something for it, but I'm not sure whether to post it as a Lullaby Chapter or a Playlist chapter because it works well in both!**

 **Once again a huge thank you to you all for read, following, favouriting and reviewing this. It makes me happy! Ya'll rock!**

* * *

Erin smiled as she stroked the 5 o'clock shadow across Jay's jaw, his lashes fluttering open and giving her a breath-taking smile, moving so his head was closer to her, resting on her shoulder as his eyes slipped closed again and the smile slowly faded from his face. She pressed a kiss to his hairline, pulling the blankets up a little higher, making sure he was warm enough. Sharon Goodwin had organized for Jay to be cared for in Erin's room for the time being, even going so far as to bring in a larger bed. Jay had put up such an argument that it had been decided that he was going to be allowed to stay with his girls due to fear of him actually hurting himself any further.

He'd been in and out of consciousness. The shooting and recovery pulling at his energy reserves, but he'd held himself awake long enough to hold Millie, to call the relevant people, to watch her feed. Jay had been in awe of her, so gentle, so soft. He never raised his voice above a whisper when he spoke to her; and it made Erin's heart swell at how much he cherished their new addition. She'd been worried that he'd want a boy, someone to carry on the family name, to throw a football around with and kick one around with, too. She knew, though, that Millie would still be able to do all of those things and more, because Jay never seemed like the type to discriminate between boys and girls.

All of Intelligence had been to visit in the past 12 or so hours, Ethan and April had popped up, too. Will had gotten as far as the doorway before his beeper had went off and he'd charged back out of the room. Natalie had also walked into the doorway, but said she was waiting for Will to come any further. So Erin let Jay sleep. She let him rest his head on her shoulder and fall asleep before gently rolling him back onto his back and rolling onto her side to rest _her_ head on _his_ shoulder. Trying to get him to lay on his back was almost impossible, so she'd taken to using him as a body pillow in order to watch Millie as she lay in her crib. That way, Jay could still be hooked up to his IVs and Erin could still be comfortable and have the best view.

This wasn't her ideal. This wasn't how she envisioned bringing their child into the world. She'd thought about it, long before Bunny and the FBI. Long before he'd even moved into her apartment. Long before she even realised she wanted children. They'd been working a case, just before Justin had passed away, and one of the suspects was pregnant and her boyfriend had left her high and dry. It had gotten Erin thinking about what would she do if she was pregnant and it had become the topic of conversation with Jay during the stake out.

" _If you got someone pregnant, would you leave them?"_

" _What?" he turned to her, that damn eyebrow raised with the most adorable look of alarm across his face as he looked at her then to her navel and back up._

" _If you got a woman pregnant would you leave?" There was a pause and she swore that all colour had drained from his face before she sighed, "I'm not pregnant Jay, I'm thinking about Tasha."_

" _Oh." He was quiet for a few minutes. "I'd be there; even if I wasn't with the woman." His voice was deceptively soft and Erin studied him. "I'd be around, be there to help. I couldn't be an absent father. Kids need two parents in their lives." He looked like he was going to say more; but movement caught his attention and he'd smirked, radioing in asking permission to take them down._

Erin smiled at the memory, how honest he'd been and how she'd believed him whole heartedly. The thought rose unbidden into her mind of the fact he was here too because he'd been shot, the sheer amount of blood he'd been covered in. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't feel the bed shift or the soft hand on her face.

"Hey, Erin, babe, what is it?" his sleep roughened voice pulled her out of her thoughts as he softly wiped the tears from her eyes, wincing as he turned, glaring when she pushed him onto his back again.

"Nothing, hormones." She tried to wave him off, sniffling and moving closer to him so he didn't have the option other than to lay there. It didn't stop him frowning and pulling her down for a soft kiss, though, nor did it stop him moving his arm to wrap around her and hold her close to him.

"Talk to me, we promised that there would be no secrets this time around." Jay whispered softly against her head, pressing a kiss to her hair when she tried to speak. "I know a woman's hormones are nuts right after the birth, I know that _all_ the books said so, but there's something in this. I know _you_ Erin Lindsey." He told her emphatically, allowing her to lift her head to look at him, so much emotion shining in her eyes and he smiled at her.

"I could have lost you. _We_ could have lost you." She told him, glancing over at the sleeping baby in the cot, a fresh set of tears spilling down her cheeks and over his fingers, causing him to bring his other hand to his hairline and move, the fact that she didn't fight him this time proving the only way he managed to sit up and gently pull her into him.

"You didn't," Jay shook his head, "you didn't lose me." He promised her with a soft kiss, "All I could think about was you and how I needed to get back to you. I tried to get up," there was a strange look in his eye, one that was far away but close at hand at the same time; as though he was trying to remember something that was a ghost in his imagination.

"You remember that?" She asked. She'd been asking for details, but no-one would tell her what had happened, how Jay had taken two to the chest. How the bullets had been cop killers. She'd tried to get it from anyone and everyone she could think of, tried to access the reports, but she'd been denied at every turn.

"Not all of it." Jay shrugged, running his fingers through the length of her pony tail. "I don't remember getting hit," he shook his head. "I do remember hitting the ground, then everything is spotty. Tony was there, he looked pretty rough. I remember SWAT and the Ambo getting there the same time. I remember you speaking to me." He frowned again and Erin blinked, she hadn't spoken to him until he was on his way to the theatre, he'd been unconscious then.

"What did I say?" Erin asked softly, bring her hand up to trace Jay's lips, a grin on her face at the fact that he remembered, that he'd come back to her because she'd asked him to.

"Uhh," Jay bit his lip, trying hard to focus and concentrate, but it was evident that he didn't know, he couldn't pull that information from the fog. "All I know is, you were there and then I woke up." He shrugged again, and Erin opened her mouth to speak before there was a knock at the door, causing her to turn around and Jay to try and see over her.

"I hope we're not interrupting anything." Natalie's voice carried over the room and Erin shook her head, turning to sit next to Jay in the bed, a huge smile on her face as Natalie and Will entered the room, both with a couple of bags of gifts, flowers and balloons in their hands.

"I'm here to give Jay his next batch of injections." Will told her. He'd yet to call them _shots_ and it was clear why, he still hadn't been able to come too close to Jay without looking terrified.

"Bite me." Jay grumbled, moving around in the bed to wrap an arm around Erin, already sounding exhausted and Erin's heart went out to him. She was exhausted, but so wired that she didn't think she'd sleep for a month.

"How are you feeling?" Natalie asked, directing her question to both of them as she approached the bed, placing her bags on the table to lean in and give Erin a hug, moving around the bed to hug Jay, then beginning to assess his injuries again, Jay letting her because Erin had taken his hand and shot him a warning look.

"I'm good," Jay said around a yawn and Natalie laughed and nodded, "I mean, you're getting there, but you're in much better shape. You're a lucky man, Jay." She told him with a soft smile.

"Most days," Erin interjected, reaching for the bag of gifts, making room for Will to place the bags he'd brought along. Natalie laughed and shook her head, before moving over to the cot and gasping. "She's gorgeous." She said, eyes wide. "Can I?"

Erin wanted to say no; wanted to tell her to leave the baby and let her sleep, but there was something about the way Natalie was smiling at their daughter, something about the fact that she'd been there for Erin the second that Erin had arrived in the hospital that had her nodding and curling into Jay's side, watching him watching Natalie lift Millie, the way his entire body tensed until the doctor had her cradled against her and she had sat down in the chair, holding Millie carefully but securely. Only then did he relax a little, making Erin smile and lean in to press a kiss to his cheek. If this is how he reacted to professionals, how would he react when Kevin and Adam eventually plucked up the courage to ask them to hold her?

"She's so sweet," Natalie was saying and it was only then that Erin noticed Will standing stiffly at the bottom of the bed, hands in his pockets, saying nothing.

"She is," Jay agreed, and Erin watched as his eyes flicked between his daughter and his younger brother. "I uh," he cleared his throat. "We uh," Jay bit his bottom lip and Erin gave his hand a squeeze, a reassuring gesture to help him find the words. "Um, Mom's name is Millie's middle name." Jay's voice was so calm, but Erin felt him tense again with Will moved and she had to turn to rest her head against his shoulder to give her time to compose herself, so she wouldn't break down in tears at the obvious fear apparent in her partner's body; what was he afraid of?

Will was silent for a long time, just staring at the tiny bundle in Natalie's arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but cleared his throat instead. "Mom would be proud." He said eventually and Erin felt more than heard the gasp Jay took, but the only audible sound had her heart breaking at the sheer pain it caused Jay. "She'd be so proud of you," Will's voice caught and he cleared his throat again. "Gotta change your IV." He said quickly, producing a bag from his pocket.

Jay nodded and Erin shuffled, moving slightly to let Jay lift his arm, his hand a death grip in hers and she knew he was using her as an anchor. Will was efficient as he changed the bag of pain killer that was up on the pole, changed the setting on the machine, lessening the dose slightly through some unspoken exchange that Erin could only see one side of.

"You need to hold her, Will." Natalie stated from the corner of the room where she was busy fussing over Millie, kissing her little fist and talking to her.

"I'm good." Will commented, shaking his head as he cleared Jay's old bag away and moved the presents over to the others.

"She's your niece, we need to get a picture with you guys." Erin stated, slowly climbing out of the bed to snap a picture of Natalie and Millie.

"I'll just crouch next to the chair." Will said as he turned, crouching down and letting Erin snap the picture.

"That's cute and all, but she needs a picture with just you." Erin told him pointedly and she turned to look at Jay as Natalie stood, his entire body going rigid again as he tried to see around Erin to what was happening. Erin stepped to the side to give him a clear view, counting in her head how long he'd been holding his breath by the time Will had sat down in the chair, Natalie talking him through the handover.

"I swear to god if you drop her—" Jay spoke from where he was sitting,

"-You'll do what?" Will asked, raising a brow, not paying attention to the baby, looking pointedly at Jay.

"I will shoot you." Jay told him pointedly, "I will shoot you and not think twice if you don't hold her properly."

"Shoot me with what?"

"Dude, I'm not going to shoot you while you're _holding my child._ " Jay pointed at him, "But I will shoot you when I can." His threat was followed by another yawn and Will laughed. "That's not funny, m'serious." Jay was adamant, eyes widening when Will stood up after Erin took the picture, rocking Millie as he walked around. "Sit your ass down." Jay's voice was weak and Erin slowly inched her way towards him, trying not to draw attention to the fact she was about to restrain him to keep him in the bed.

"She's perfect." Will's voice cut through the tension in the room, caused Jay's body to lock up and then relax, caused a sheen in Natalie's eyes and Erin to take Jay's hand. "She's absolutely perfect," Will grinned, his voice thick with some unnamed emotion, but both brothers had the same look in their eyes. "You did good, little brother."

Jay squeezed Erin's hand and smiled. "We did, we did real good." Jay's grin was infections and Erin found herself smiling along with him; her's lasting longer than his, however, when Will walked over to the bed and climbed up into it. "I swear to God and all things Holy, I will end your life and make it look like a goddamned boating accident if you do any damage to her."

"A boating accident?" Will's eyes were wide as he blinked.

"Yes. A boating accident. Now sit freaking still." Jay hissed as Will got himself comfortable on the bed.

"I can hold a child, Jay. I'm a professional."

"You make a habit of holding a lot of random babies?"

"No. I do have to treat children."

"Not my child."

"That would be unethical."

"You need to support her head."

"Okay, daddy day care." Will quipped, earning himself a glare.

"I think you forget I'm military trained." Jay raised an eyebrow and Erin and Natalie found themselves staring at the exchange with wide eyes.

"I think you forget that I don't care about your ninja skills."

"So you admit that I have them?"

"I never denied that you did."

"You did, when we went to dinner with Mouse. You said— _hold her damn head properly."_ Jay muttered through gritted teeth, causing Will to laugh then huff and adjust his hold on her.

"I never once told Mouse to hold anyone's head properly and having a potty mouth around your kid doesn't bode well."

There was a moment of silence between the two men, both of them glaring at each other. A split second where Erin panicked that this family reunion would turn into something that caused them to implode, but then they were both laughing, Jay's hand coming up to support Millie's head – despite it being adequately supported on Will's arm – as the shared a laugh, a moment that Erin couldn't help but snap with her phone, both she and Natalie grinning at the picture as the men resumed their playful banter, both of them holding Millie so carefully, despite the other's interjections that they weren't.

 _We have another 18 years of this._


End file.
